Mothers with NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder) may have a problem with their daughters expression themselves. Is your mother jealous of you?

Many daughters will grow up with a sense that their mother is jealous of them.
Maternal jealousy is a common issue between mothers and adult daughters today. Maternal jealousy often presents as emotional withdrawal, criticism, or anger. And when society doesn't allow mothers to talk about what they missed out on, a mother doesn't always know how to tell her daughter how proud she is for her and how her daughter's success upsets her.
In this blog I explain why maternal jealousy is so common. Through Julie’s story (not her real name). 
Normal, healthy mothers are proud of their children and want them to shine. But a narcissistic mother may perceive her daughter as a threat. If attention is drawn away from the mother, the child may suffer retaliation, put-downs, and punishments. 
The mother can be jealous of her daughter for many reasons -her looks, her youth, material possessions, accomplishments, education and even the girl’s relationship.  

A relationship will emerge where the daughter exists solely to fulfil their mother's wishes and needs.
This will have an effect on the daughter's development, as they will have abnormal skills. When it comes to reasoning, emotions, ethical decisions and societal behaviours as they grow up. Many mothers with NPD lack the empathy that is vital to raising a child, and as a result, they will produce to people who are dependent or narcissistic themselves. Mothers with NPD may have a problem with their daughters expression themselves. 
Every mother with NPD will display different behaviours. 
However, here are some common sings to look out for :-

🍁 A Narcissistic mother gets jealous of her daughter and destroys her Self-Esteem :
Mother boosts her ego by comparing herself to her daughter and finding herself superior. Whenever daughter get something nice. She's angry, she will be jealous of daughter on a physical level -  she is younger may envies, and be able to wear clothes she wishes. She could still go out in.
As a result, she may forbid her from wearing makeup, grooming herself or dating. 
Daughter may also be subjected to regular personal insults about her appearance. 
Mother's envy will be clear - she will try and get it from her, spoil for her, or get the same or better - for herself.
🍁 Mother is going through menopause while jealous from a narcissistic mother extreme and destructive, envy from a mom going through menopause in normal and to be expected. Mother plays a cruel trick on many moms, having them go through the traumatic change of while their daughters bloom into young adulthood. She experiences physical changes that make her feel less attractive. She may feel more anxious and less confident.
🍁 Some mother are possessive of their husbands and see their daughters as a threat. A mom can get jealous of a daughter's bond with her dad. This may make the husband back away from the father - daughter relationship, leaving the girl with nobody.
🍁 Mother will violate boundaries, mother may makes daughter feel bad for doing things such as wearing makeup. Daughter's belongings may be given away without her consent. Food may be taken off her plate, and given to others. It may be constant reminders that properties doesn’t belongs to daughter it was never her.
🍁 Mother regret her unfulfilled desires; Dr. Charles sophy, a renowned family and child psychiatrist, argues that some moms get jealous when they see their daughters enjoying more opportunity and freedoms than they had. She see her daughter with unlimited opportune in front of her and wishes she could be young again. She may envy the new freedoms young women have today to explore their sexuality, delay parenthood, enter male - dominated professions, buy their own homes, and become self-sufficient. 
🍁 Mother will hate her getting attention that means she's not receiving enough. If she achieve anything that her mother can’t take credit for, its ignored or downplayed. 
🍁 Mother will make her think she's crazy. She may claim she doesn’t know what you're talking about, deny certain events took place, or say something like ' you have a very vivid  imagination, ' so daughter this experience will make her doubt herself. 
🍁 Daughter is never right - and her opinions  aren’t important. A mother with NPD will make every effort to let you know you're never right. Hurtful or insulting comments will be dealt that are difficult to counter - especially when they're delivered in a loving tone.

There's always an excuse for her behaviour. If a mother says something cruel, the words are sandwiched in between loving words. Criticism that is dealt is disguised as concern. 
There will be constant stream of reminders that the mother only wants what's best for you. She just wants to help. 
Mother with NPD will rarely say out right that you're not good enough.
Instead, whenever you say you've done something your sibling did that was better. 
Because the abusive behaviour is disguised with a facaded of affection and love, it’s often difficult for you to explain what's so bad about your mother. 

What effect does this have on daughters:

The daughters will often be made to feel guilty they comply with their mother's wishes. They will grow up feeling empty and insecure, struggle to from loving relationships, find it hand to trust others, and be unsure how to exist separately from their parents. 
Self harted is common in daughters of narcissistic mothers, and they can often end up having poor body image, misuse drugs or alcohol, engage in body modification such as piercing or tattos or act out in order  to get  attention. 

If you were raised by narcissistic parents, learning how to cope is an essential part of your recovery. Confronting the narcissist does no good. You have to release yourself from your confusion and see the envy for what it is. To do so, you must recognize your own goodness and strength. Don’t be spiteful or revengeful; that destroys you. The envy that is thrown your way does not belong to you. It is a part of the parent’s disorder. “Envy comes from people’s ignorance of, or lack of belief in, their own gifts.” (Jean Vanier) You don’t have to take it on.

Your recovery process allows you to individuate so that you are no longer defined by anyone but yourself. Using self-compassion, self-understanding, and working your recovery is worth the time and energy. Creating your own exciting and significant life is gratifying and the more you tune into the woman you were meant to be, the better it feels.

Julie’s
story (not her real name) :

'Julie' came to see me because her mother was emotionally withdrawn, critical, and lukewarm about Julie’s recent promotion at work. Julie felt upset about her mother’s behavior and she wanted to find out what she could do to make her more emotionally engaged and less critical. I suggested Julie to talk to her mother.   

Thankfully Julie’s mother was able to talk about her lost dreams because not every mother is able to do this. Listening to her mother tell the story of how hard it was not to be allowed to her to choice
her career  when her brother did, how she is leaving her unhappy  married life, gave Julie a deeper appreciation of who her mother is. Julie, however, has choices freedoms from restrictive gender roles, and increased love and support from husbands and partners that their mother didn’t have and couldn’t conceive of as possible.
It helped Julie understand her mother’s life and behavior, and it helped Julie’s mother voice how proud she was of Julie’s career success. 

This silencing of a mother’s very human grief is at the heart of maternal jealousy. The silencing teaches a mother to feel ashamed of her jealous feelings, when in truth, a mother needs to and deserves to have her grief heard and understood. And her daughter needs to hear her mother’s grief as well. Daughters need to understand the sexism their mother had to contend with and how recent her freedoms are.


When parents with narcissistic disorder    https://cgd-sharia.blogspot.com/2019/02/when-parents-with-narcissistic.html


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